


Why you shouldn't get drunk with the Doctor

by patch_n_shaggy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Jack being Jack, River flies the Tardis, doctor is lost, drunken Time Lord, drunken companions, inspired by Hangover, searching for the doctor - Freeform, visiting several planets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-01 00:40:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3999355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patch_n_shaggy/pseuds/patch_n_shaggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy and Rory get drunk after the Doctor returns from his supposed death. When River visits her parents the next morning, she finds her hung-over parents, but someone important is missing.<br/>As they try to find the Doctor, they find out the events of the last night:<br/>They met old friends, met old enemies, crashed a ship, destroyed a whole planet, made new enemies - basically causing chaos throughout the universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A party in the 51st century

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't our first language. Feel free to point out any mistakes we made.

_Present time, Amy's time and garden_

As Amy woke up, she had the worst headache in the history of hangovers. She blinked wearily as she crawled to her feet to find her daughter standing in front of her with a disapproving expression on her face. Rory lied still snoring under the table. How did he end up there? Why was he sleeping in the garden? Heck, why was she sleeping in the garden? 

“What do you think you are doing, young lady?”, River asked, sounding more like a parent than a child. “And there is the Doctor?” Amy just moaned. 

# # # # #

_Present time, Amy's time, living room_

Amy and Rory set on the couch feeling like teens reprimanded by their parents after sneaking out of the house for a party late at night. 

“All I know is that I just came to visit you, to find you both drunk sleeping in the garden, the Tardis standing in the living room and the Doctor nowhere to be found.” River sounded very annoyed.

“Have you looked in the Tardis?”, Rory suggested.  
“Of course, Captain Obvious! Do you think I wouldn't look in the Tardis if I'm searching the Doctor?”  
“Even under the sink?”, Amy threw in.  
“Yes, even under the sink.” River sounded like she hold her anger in barely. How could they lost the Doctor, who was the only one of them who could fly the Tardis!?  
“Do you know how big the Tardis is on the inside?”, Rory mumled.  
“Funnily, I do.”  
“Then you should look again.”  
“Great. And you lot will help me.”

# # # # #

_Present time, Amy's time, inside the Tardis_

“Hey, I found some empty bottles.”, Rory shouted from under the glass floor in the control room. “Hy-per-vod-ka.”, he read slowly, “What is this?”  
River looked horrified. “Hypervodka? You went to the 51st century with him – drunken! Are you insane? Do you know what could have happened?”  
A small pause.  
“Or what probably happened?”  
“You mean: What will happen.”, Amy corrected.  
“We really have no time for smart ass responses. You forgot him somewhere in history. What if we never find him again?”  
“Well, I've found a picture of me and a very, very handsome young lad.”.  
“What?” But Rory was ignored. 

River took a look and recognized the young man wearing a greatcoat from the second world war immediately. “Ow, the old womanizer. I know where to look for the Doctor.”

# # # # #

_51st century, a bar_

Stepping out of the Tardis, Amy and Rory found themselves in a dim room which reeked of piss and alcohol – or in other words: a bar. 

It was nearly empty, only a few people lying around in different states of awareness after the booze-up last night. Only one person was still sitting at the bar, looking disheveled, tired and hung-over. At the second glance, Amy recognized him as the man from the photograph.

“Jack! Jack, we need to talk with you about last night – if it was last night...”, River shouted.  
“Isn't there missing a 'Captain' somewhere?”, he asked slurred.  
He took a look at River Song and the Ponds, remembering them immediately: “Ha! If this aren't Amy and Rory! How do you feel? You look horrible!” Captain Jack grinned.  
“We're looking for...”, River started, but Rory interrupted: “What were you doing with my wife?”  
“Nothing, sweety.” Jack winked at the blond. “Not that she hasn't a thing for me, but I was interested in someone else”, he explained to River. He had a reputation to keep.

“Wait, what!!?” Amy sounded disbelieving.  
“Got a problem with that?”, Jack asked.  
“No, you just don't look gay.”  
“I'm not gay, I'm omnisexual.”, Jack corrected. 

“Back to topic, guys.”, River broke in. “Jack, we lost the Doctor. Do you know where we could find him? Or can you tell us at least what happened last night?”  
“When you guys showed up, you already were tipsy....”

_flashback: the last night_

The Doctor stumbled out of the Tardis into a crowded bar, the Ponds following him up behind and looking curious around. Disappointingly, it doesn't look very different than any bar in their own time, except for the aliens sitting at several desks. At the far end of the room someone sang karaoke, but Amy and Rory didn't recognize the song.

“So, where is the promised, so-called hypervodka?”, Amy wanted to know.  
“I'm working on it!” The Doctor led them to the bar and ordered some bottles.  
“Now, now, you really want to drink this all alone?”, a voice called out to the Doctor – a well-known voice.

“Jack! You're here?” The Doctor smiled happily. “By the way, I'm not alone: Meet The Girl Who Waited and The Last Centurion! Amy, Rory, meet The Man Who Can't Die!”

Jack eyed Rory and extended his hand to him. “Captain Jack Harkness, nice to meet you, sweety.”  
“Stop it”, the Doctor scolded him. “You haven't changed a bit, have you?”  
“Wish I could say the same. Are you getting younger each time I see you?”, the Captain joked.

_Back to current time_

“Get to the point Jack!”, River interjected.  
“Okay, okay! Well, to make a long story short: You decided to share your alcohol with me, I flirted with Rory and as an exchange Amy wanted a photo with me. The Doctor sang karaoke – he chose 'Tik Tok' by Kesha. These old classic. The audience didn't really like it, so you decided to go somewhere else. You asked me if I wanted to come with you, but at that time I was busy with someone else – he had three hands and-”  
“Jack! Did they tell you where they wanted to go?” River got back to the most important question.  
“Well, they did say something about visiting potato head, the green-one and the not-green-one.  
If that does say you something...”, Jack mumbled.  
“The Paternoster Gang!” River ran back to the Tardis.  
“Wait, there are we going now?”, Amy wanted to know.  
“Victorian London!”  
“I'm coming with you! This time I won't miss the fun!” Captain Jack followed them to the Tardis.


	2. You did what?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could happen when you put a timelord, his companions and a potato head into Victorian London? Did I mention that they are drunk and have grenades?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update. You know... life.
> 
> This chapter was mostly written by shaggy with a few additions by patch.

_Victorian London, house of the Paternoster Gang_

River, Jack, Rory and Amy stood outside the house. 13 Paternoster Row.  
They didn't think that they would find the Doctor – it was never so easy with him.  
But hopefully they would get a clue where to look for him.

Jenny opened the door.  
“Professor Song!“, she greeted.

As she saw Amy and Rory her smile faded. Not a good sign.

Suddenly Jack took a step forward and held his hand out.  
“Hello. Captain Jack Harkness and who are you?“ Jack smiled.  
Jenny looked stunned.

# # # # #

_flashback: the last night_   


With her typical sound the Tardis materialized inside the house. Strax stood up and walked towards it as the door flew open and the Doctor and three humans stumbled out.

“Ah! Potato head! Have I ever introduced you to Rory and Amy?”, the Doctor shouted at the sight of Strax standing in fronf of the blue box.

“Hello, boy.” Strax nodded toward Amy.  
“No, Strax, that's Amy and she is a girl! No, that's Rory!”

“Hello, boy.”, Strax tried a second time, now looking at the right one.  
“Nice to see you Doctor. Unfortunately Madame Vastra and Jenny have gone out.”

“Ow, what a pity! Seems like we missed them...” The Doctor looked disappointed.  
“But we can have some fun with Strax! So, what are we going to do?”

He looked expectantly at Strax. The Sontaran didn't know what to say. Something was a bit strange about the Doctor and his companions. Not that he was an expert about the behaviour of aliens. The Time Lord still looked at him. The two humans inspected the furniture.

“So that's Victorian London? Not very impressing...”, the one with the red hair said.  
'Amy', if Strax remembered correctly. She turned towards him, slightly swaying, and held out a bottle.  
“Here, drink something!”

Strax looked suspiciously at it.  
“Is that alcohol? Doctor, I want to express my disapproval - “

“No, it's not alcohol”, he interrupted. “Of course not! You know me: Don't drink and fly.”

The boy – no, girl – offered him the bottle again. This time he took it.

“So...what are we going to do, Doctor? I'm bored”, Amy whined.  
“Grenades!”, Strax suddenly shouted.  
The Doctor looked at him, confused. “Sorry, what?”  
“We could throw some grenades at unsuspecting people”, Strax suggested, “For the glory of the Sontarian Empire.”  
Amy seemed thrilled by that idea, the Doctor looked thoughtfully.  
“What, no!”, Rory broke in. “We can't harm innocent people! No way!”  
“What about buildings?”, Amy asked. Rory shook his head vehemently.  
“The Thames! What about that? We wouldn't destroy anything”, the Doctor suggested.  
The four looked at each other, all smiling.

Back to current time, inside the house

“You did what!?“ River glared at her parents.  
“Well, normally the Doctor would be against anything involving grenades. So I had to take the opportunity...“, Strax broke in, but went silent as Madame Vastra hissed at him.  
River took a deep breath to calm herself.  
“Please tell me you didn't damage anything or hurt someone”  
At this Strax looked a bit uncomfortable. “Well...”

# # # # #

_flashback: the last night, at the bank of the Thames_   


“Whoa, good throw, Amy!”, Rory shouted as the grenade exploded in the water.  
“Yes, very good, boy”, Strax agreed. By now he was a bit drunk as well.  
“I'm a girl! I'm not a boy!” Amy was getting angry. That potato dwarf kept calling her a boy the whole time. Sontarans were easily confused with the genders. A drunken Sontaran even more easily.

“Be careful, Strax. You don't want to mess with Amy”, the Time Lord warned.

“Ha! There's no reason a Sontaran would be afraid of a little human boy!” Strax seemed very sure of himself.  
“Stop calling me a boy!” Amy turned around with a grenade in her hand and threw it in Strax direction.  
Strax dodged it.  
They all watched as the grenade rolled towards a house. And exploded.  
While they stared at the half-damaged house, that was now burning, Amy sneaked up on the Sontaran, grabbed him and pushed him into the river.  
“Amy!”, the Doctor protested. Before he could say anything more, Rory interrupted.  
“Uhm, Doctor, there are two women. I think they saw us. They come in our direction.”

“Oh. I know them. And they know me. And know it's time to run.”

While Strax climbed out of the water, the three ran away and left him to the fury of the two women.

# # # # #

_Back to current time, inside the house_   


“We think they got back into the house and flew away with the Tardis.”, Jenny informed them.  
River still glared at her parents. Her gaze was like a dagger.  
Amy and Rory avoided to look at anyone.  
Jack tried hard not to smile but failed.  
“What happened to the house?”, he wanted to know.  
“Burned down”, Vastra answered shortly.

“Well done, you two”, River said.  
Rory looked up at that. “Hey, it wasn't me! It was Amy!”  
His wife glared at him. “Oh, thank you, Rory.”

Jack got back to the question of most importance. “Does anyone have the slightest idea where they went?”

The Paternoster gang shook their heads.  
River sighed. That wasn't going to be easy.

# # # # #

_Inside the Tardis_

They stood around in the console room thinking about what to do. It was very silent.  
“And you are sure that he is not... you know, still here? Inside his Tardis? Somewhere?”, Jack wanted to know.

“Well, I looked everywhere. I called his name. Nothing.” River seemed clueless.  
“Have you looked in the wardrobe?”  
“Of course! 'Everywhere' includes the wardrobe! But if you want to, go and take a look for yourself!”

Jack strolled out of the room. At least he was getting away from the bad mood of the others.

A few minutes later he came back smiling and holding out something.  
“What's that?”, Amy wanted to know.  
“The mask of a Sycorax. It lay on the floor. Didn't know he had one.”

Jack looked confused at Rory, who stared at the mask.  
“I... I remember that. I know that thing! I saw it before!” Rory was getting excited now.  
“Last night! That thing... mask, he got it last night!”

“Where?”, River demanded. “What do you remember?”  
“A ship. I think we were on a ship. And there were those guys, those aliens. They all wore that mask.”

“You were on a ship of the Sycorax? The Sycorax who tried to invade earth and were defeated by the Doctor? And you visited them?”, Jack asked. “Oh, I should have come with you!”

River took the mask from Jack and put it one the Tardis console.  
“With a bit of luck this will take us to its owner. And with a lof of luck we will find the Doctor there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanna see them visit old friends, a certain planet or have them destroyed something else? Leave a commet ;)

**Author's Note:**

> You wanna see them visit old friends, a certain planet or have them destroyed something else? Leave a commet ;)


End file.
